Moan for me like Helen Keller
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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