When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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