i already hear my dad disowning me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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