I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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