Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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