Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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