And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize