saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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