she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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