Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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