My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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