dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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