I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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