I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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