I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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