his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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