I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
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By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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