either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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