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i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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