Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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