I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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