She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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