It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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