I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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