I'm lost and stupid without you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
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You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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