I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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