In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
foreskin is a definite game changer
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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