Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize