If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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