Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
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He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
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He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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