need another drink. this is the easiest way
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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