I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize