its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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