I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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