so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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