Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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