Got a toothbrush?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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