I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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