Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
God, I missed his penis.
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