and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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