The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
is it fun? or sober?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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