I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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