Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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