i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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