Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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