I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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