Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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