i think my tv is drunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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