By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize