You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
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Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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